Wednesday, January 24, 2007
He’s dead. Good thing too – he should stay dead. Of course I am talking about one of the arch perverts of the 20th century, one Keith Moon; drummer for The Whom. Now the remaining live perverts from that cacophonous collective want to resurrect the beast on film. And just look at the title they want for the film: ‘See Me, Feel Me: Keith Moon Naked For Your Pleasure‘. Will this man’s perversion never end? Perversion from beyond the grave! It makes me want to kill again. And again, and again and… Where’s my Lee Enfield!
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Nudists. Someone aught to steak them out in the mid-day sun until they are as red as lobsters. If God had wanted us to be naked, we would have been born that way. Perhaps thought there is some hope for these nudists who have started having “clothing required” events. It’s a start…
Bad news for New Zealanders this week as God-fearing scientists have success in curing homosexual sheep. Now the poor Kiwis will have to molest female sheep. Serves them right for giving us that Russell Crowe moron.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
The Rolling Stones. I hated them in the sixties. I loathed them in the seventies. I despised them in the eighties. In the nineties, they were pretty quiet, but I still reviled them. Now in the new millennium they nauseate me as much as ever. Why won’t Keith Richards just die? I mean he’s consumed enough drugs to destroy every fair Queensland youth for a century, but he just won’t lie down and die. Now it turns out he will be appearing the next Pirates of the Caribbean movie. The first movie in this series was about a ghostly crew of cursed undead skeleton people.  Maybe Keith will fit in after all…
I remember a time when the Arabs knew how to deal with miscreants, cutting of the body parts that had offended them, but a recent case in the United Arab Emirates has shown that even in the Middle East they are being slowly consumed by the perverted masses. Under the old rules, this deviate would have been able to perform his own colonoscopies at will.
Thursday, January 4, 2007
This is not the first Chinese perverts to make this column, nor will it be the last (i have no doubt). These particular perverts however combined two of my pet perversions: nudity, and JOGGING! Is there any more vacuous past-time than running when nobody is chasing you? Rest assured, if I catch you running, you WILL have something to run from.
Thursday, January 4, 2007
It’s OK for dogs to be man’s best friend. It is absolutely unacceptable for dogs to be man’s girlfriend, as this pervert found out to his detriment. The good old British bulldog may be a fine breed, but you would hardly call those scrunched up faces attractive. In fact there is nothing sexually attractive about those beasts. Or any other beasts. Even finding another human being attractive (if they are not your spouse) it a sin, and a crime against God. Stop it or He will SMITE you filthy degenerates – mark my words.
Call centres. Is there a lower form of life anywhere? And now they are corrupting the precious youth of India with their promiscuity. Where will it ever end. Soon those sex telephone numbers I see advertised on late night TV will be outsourced. Mind you, that might be a good way of discouraging people from using them – “I am being so very hot right now. Hot like Goan cuisine.”
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
The internet: Satan’s favourite sex toy. Now for a tale of the lowlifes that populate and pollute this sordid little world. What sort of moron would let this guy out of gaol so he could “find his money”? Likely bloody story. I would have stared cutting his toes off one by one until he talked. Then after he talked, I would have continued cutting off his appendages until his new nick-name was “stumpy”
Friday, December 22, 2006
Perversion. I like to define it as any sexual impulses generated by anything except sex for the purpose of procreation within the confines of marriage. This doesn’t seem sexy to me, but then again neither does dressing up as a baby, or whips and handcuffs.