In order to “celebrate” complete nut-job Tony Abbott’s ascension to shadow-power I thought I would re-print the lyrics to Eric “the red” Schwartz’s excellent song Keep your Jesus of my Penis. Schwartz Good. Abbott Bad. Go buy Schwartz at CD Baby – you won’t regret it.
CHORUS:
Keep your Jesus off my penis,
Keep your bible off my balls,
Keep your prayers out of my ears,
And your crosses off my walls,
You can keep the virgin mother,
And the resurrection too,
Keep your Jesus off my penis,
I’ll keep my penis off of you,
Well, I’m frickin’ sick and tired,
Of turning on the news,
And seeing the religious right’s ungodly fight,
To take our right to choose,
When to bear our children,
Who to love and how,
Education and protection, if we’re just practicing for now,
So W, look, obey a book,
If that’s what works for you,
But I don’t tell you how to pray,
So don’t you tell me how to screw!,
CHORUS
So you’re screaming bloody murder,
about the Taliban regime,
For subjugating women and being too extreme,
And basing legislation on some ancient, holy book,
Does that sound a bit familiar?,
Here’s a mirror, have a look!,
And as for the Ten Commandments,
they need one more, at least,
“Thou shalt never cover up the acts of pervert priests”,
Now how’d they let that happen,
Unless they just abhor us?,
Well, anyway, it adds another layer to the chorus!
CHORUS
So you’ll execute a person and then protect the single cell,
But mercy kill the terminally ill and you’re going straight to Hell?,
Well, I don’t know much about the word of God, far be it from me,
But I can tell you what it ain’t, that’s hypo-christianity,
Well, I am not anti-Christian, before you grab a rope,
There is beauty in religion,
And joy and love and hope,
And we’re all lookin’ for that answer,
Some colossal, cosmic cause,
But who the fuck are you to turn your views into my laws?,
It’s just believers in the bible that would have abortion banned,
Anti-choice agnostics, I could count ‘em on one hand
And as for killing babies, I’ve got but one retort:
If someone raped your daughter,
George, you’d beg her to abort
And if some young girl from your church shows up with child or some infection
‘Cuz you told her what a horrid sin it was to use protection,
Well, one day you’ll face the pearly gates,
And what you gonna say,
When that long-haired, Jewish peacenick,
sends your ass the other way,
Sayin’ keep your Jesus off my penis,
Keep your bible off my balls,
Keep your prayers out of my ears,
And your crosses off my walls,
I’ve had it up to here with all the biblobile you spew,
So keep your Jesus off my penis,
Well, at least that’s what I would do,
Yeah, keep your Jesus off my penis,
I’ll keep my penis off of you,
That’s if’n you want me to
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